From sorrow to love and happiness.

After years of sadness, bad luck, and searching, these women found a lot of love and happiness last year. Chanice (31) participated in the Curaçao carnival to finally accept herself. “I laughed and cried while dancing.”

Changed

“I was abused around the age of fourteen, and after that, I changed. Only with alcohol could I feel free. There was no connection with my body; it felt like it wasn’t mine. Because of this, I often pushed my body beyond its limits, like working too hard, training too hard. I wasn't kind to myself. And as I got older, an immense prudishness even developed. If you saw even a hint of cleavage, I'd wonder if that was appropriate.

At 26, I was hit by a car while bicycling, and to recover, I *had* to listen to my body, for the first time in so many years. I underwent various therapies and was able to restore the connection with my body. I learned to feel again when my limits were reached, and I learned to enjoy my own body again. I love curves and femininity. Emphasizing that didn't make me a bad person. On the contrary, it was part of my true self, the me from before the abuse and the trauma I suffered from it.”

Caribbean roots

“The more I engaged in self-discovery, in figuring out who I really was and what I wanted as a person, the more I also wanted to discover my roots. I am partly Dutch and partly Caribbean, and now I increasingly felt the urge to explore that Caribbean side of myself. As part of that, I developed a dream that grew stronger and stronger: to stand on a stage and dance during the carnival in Curaçao, where my father was from. With this, I could celebrate my roots and the connection and acceptance of my body all at once.

I discovered that you can sign up for a group to participate with on that day. When you sign up, you also indicate that you want a costume and can choose one. So, last February, I traveled to Curaçao to participate in the carnival. I was very nervous; I had chosen a rather revealing outfit. I really had to step out of my comfort zone. But when I put on the glitter and feather costume, had my makeup done, and looked in the mirror, I felt ready for this step.”

Celebrated life

“For six hours, I danced, connected with people, and celebrated life. Laughed and cried. Carnival in Curaçao is the biggest happening of the year, and people on the sidelines dance along with you, want to take pictures with you. It felt so wonderful and free. Because I have a dual heritage, I've spent my whole life feeling like I'm not accepted anywhere. But during carnival, that didn't matter. For me, it felt like coming home in every way.

I work as a trauma coach, and it's now my wish to participate in a future edition with a few clients who have a similar background to mine. I would love to see their healing too, which something like this can bring. To laugh and cry together and share that feeling. For them to embrace a part of themselves, just like I did, allowing them to face the future differently. With more self-confidence and self-esteem. Just as I have been fortunate to experience this past year.”

You can read the stories of Artie, Karin, Adriana, Judith, and Amanda in Flair 52-2023. More stories like these can be found weekly in Flair.